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The Developer Who Just Finishes What He Starts

no funking retainers!

Your first developer ghosted mid-homepage. The second rebuilt everything from scratch and tried to sell you two grand a month in subscriptions. You tried fixing it yourself and knew the whole thing was structurally unsound.

I finish what they walked away from. I lock down the scope, tear out the rot, rebuild what's necessary, and deliver a functioning asset. No theatre, no excuses.

No Salvage, No Fee

If I can't salvage your existing investment and ship it faster than a complete rebuild, I tell you immediately. You pay nothing for the assessment.

Fixed Price Guarantee

Once the salvage assessment is done, you get a fixed-price quote. That price will not change unless the scope is mutually and formally amended.

100% Ownership. Always.

The project is yours. Fully documented, keys handed over, and zero required subscriptions or retainer fees tied to FunkPd.

Two tracks; rescue decides the lane

Get Online Fast Package (GOFP) Launch (3–7 days): quick starts at $150–$500.
Rescues & rebuilds (2–6 weeks): $2k+ depending on templates, data, integrations, and risk.

Proof, Not Promises

Minetek; Zero-Downtime Rescue (4→1, Global Industrial)

Real rescue. No fluff. Consolidated a fractured industrial stack into one platform without taking sales offline.

Context. Minetek is a $65M+/yr global supplier in mining, water, and ventilation. Public web was split across four WordPress installs on subdomains; the brief was clear: fix it fast without breaking anything.

Problem. Duplicate stacks fractured SEO and doubled maintenance. Page builders were misused, caching layers fought each other, admins were intermittently locked out by bad .htaccess, forms were duplicated/half-broken, the sitemap was incoherent, and Google throttled crawl due to duplication/timeouts.

What I did. Consolidated the four installs into one structured WordPress build with Elementor Pro (a drag-and-drop page builder) minus plugin bloat: custom post types, cleaned templates, clear edit paths. Rebuilt the nav tree, scrubbed ~200 MB of transient/metadata bloat, normalized forms and notifications, enabled LiteSpeed Cache (LSCache) for faster loading, removed redundant server caching, and rebuilt .htaccess. The entire refactor ran live with zero downtime.

Result. Global load time fell from 9–12 s → <3 s. Teams could self-manage edits. Rankings stabilized and indexing cleaned up. The site became the operational backbone for 2–3 years with no critical outages; bounce rates fell, session time rose, PPC landing performance recovered.

Status. Not currently live; it did its job, carried operations, and was later replaced by a higher-budget rebuild.

Salvageability = existing theme quality (e.g., no outdated code), data integrity (e.g., clean databases), and third-party risk (e.g., no conflicting plugins).

How we size work

Scope flexes with page count, template variety, dynamic data (Custom Post Types/taxonomies for custom content organization), ecommerce/checkout, imports, integrations, authentication/members, and multilingual needs.

The Right Tool for the Job

Technical Stack & Specializations

I am a specialist, not a generalist. I build with a focused set of tools to guarantee quality and maintainability.

What I Do

WordPress/WooCommerce rescues & performance rebuilds
Shopify → WordPress/Woo migrations
HTML/CSS/JavaScript Front-End Implementations
Third-Party API Integrations (Payment, Shipping, CRMs)

What I Don't Do

Custom App Development From Scratch (SaaS, Mobile Apps)
Branding, Logo Design, or Marketing Strategy
Complex Backend Systems (e.g., custom Python/Ruby work)
Ongoing monthly retainers

Matching Expectations

Our Working Relationship

The best outcomes happen when there's a clear fit from the start. This isn't about personality; it's about process.

This Works Best When...

You have decision-making authority or direct access to whoever does.
You value technical honesty over comfortable reassurance, even when the news is bad.
You understand that rescue projects require triage and prioritizing stability over perfection.
You can articulate what is currently broken and what a "finished" state looks like for you.

This Probably Isn't a Fit If...

You need committee approval for most technical or scope-related decisions.
You expect detailed, multi-week planning phases before any implementation begins.
You require white-glove client service with weekly status presentations and formal reports.
You are looking for the absolute cheapest option or plan to pay with equity/exposure.

My Commitment to You

Guarantees & Risk Reversal

You've already been burned. My process is designed to remove risk and build trust from day one.

0

Cost for Salvage Assessment

100%

Transparent Scope & Fixed Pricing

Clear

Communication on Scope Explosion (e.g., adding unplanned features like e-commerce)

If scope explodes beyond the initial salvage plan, I pause all work. If scope explodes, we reassess together and you decide whether to proceed with a revised scope and budget, or part ways professionally. You only pay for the work completed and approved.

Ready to ship it?

How to Hire Me & Next Steps

This is my entire process, from first email to project launch. No surprises.

You Email Me The Specs: Send a paragraph on what's broken, why past attempts failed, and your hard deadline.
My Response (within 24 hours): I will reply with either (a) a timeline for your free salvage assessment, (b) a referral to someone better suited, or (c) clarifying questions.
Salvage Assessment & Fixed Quote (approx. 48 hours): I deliver the assessment and a fixed-price quote. You have 24 hours to decide.
Project Start: A 50% deposit secures your spot in the queue. The project begins on the agreed-upon start date. The final 50% is due upon launch and your approval.

Current Availability: My queue is typically 2 weeks out.
Minimum Project Size: Rescue projects start at $2,000; quick-launch GOFP builds remain $150–$500.

Let's Get This Done.